This particular Journal entry is particularly difficult to write - since this is the year that nothing happened.
Now, I know that some of you who are quick off the mark will be saying to yourselves "Hang on a mo'! Surely, this was the year of painting the sash windows, replacing the ceilings in the bedrooms, the car crash, Ross taking time to re-evaluate our relationship, decorating the back bedroom, stripping the fireplace in the bedroom and decorating the main bedroom."
And, yes, you are right.
But, that's not quite what I mean.
I've written elsewhere about The Power of Seven and the fact that I have observed patterns of depression which occur approximately every three to four years.
Well, there is another seven year cycle in amongst that first one. So far in my life, I have tended to make a big move every seven years.
So, all the signs were that I should have made some significant external change during the course of this year.
But I didn't.
Very significantly, I didn't change jobs, move house, end a relationship or take big decisions which would set my life on a different course. I didn't do any one of a variety of things which would have demanded a great deal of energy, concentration and focus.
Instead, I stayed still. I stayed calm. I stayed put.
My focus has been on my home. My focus has been on getting satisfaction from my Quaker work rather then my professional work. My focus has been on sustaining the inward rather than changing the outward.
And that, maybe, has been the big change. Not to do what I have done before. Not to run from depression by creating an adrenaline rush through outward change. Just simply to spend time being me and inhabiting the feelings. I've lived with myself which has neither been easy nor conducive to contact with people I care for.
2008 will be unknown territory - well, yes, I know the future always is. But I can't pinpoint the last time that I've entered the eighth year without a major external change behind me.