Making Things Better
12 January

In these cold days, Ross and I have been looking at all sorts of ways of making things better for ourselves.

We took ourselves off to the Lady Green nursery and bought ourselves a Hellebore which should produce a dark, wine red flower in early spring and a Skimmia japonica which is evergreen with a deep red flower buds that last throughout winter before producing white flowers in spring. They both go nicely in the borders of our (currently frozen solid) back garden. The iron hard ground, however, does not appear to be holding back the steady ongrowth of various spring bulbs and summer flowers.

We took ourselves off to the Plaza to see the new Star Trek film Nemesis. This is the third Star Trek film that Ross and I have been to see. Just over six years ago, on New Year's Eve 1996, we saw First Contact together and then on New Year's Day 1999 we saw Insurrection.

Comments on those previous occasions have included "The film itself is OK - more I think to Ross's taste than my own" and "not bad but not wonderful but two hours passed pleasantly. Maybe I need more than noise and special effects". I have no reason to add to those comments when it comes to assessing this current outing. Just two stars for an average, pleasant enough sort of film, I feel.

We took ourselves round to The Vineyard which is a local eaterie/winebar only recently opened and pleasantly uncrowded of a daytime and had coffee and chats with Roland.

We took ourselves off to the video shop and hired Bend It Like Beckham which proved to be charming, entertaining and funny in a smiling rather than a laughing sort of way. Good enough to merit three stars. We also liked the presence of Jonathan Rhys Meyers. He has graced this Journal with previous appearances in both Velvet Goldmine and Gormenghast. Neither of those projects gave him opportunities to shine although he was visually stunning in both. Here he was both cute and giving of a good performance.

I think my health is gradually improving as well. The copious gargling with Sanderson's Throat Specific Mixture in which I have been engaged seems to be helping to make my throat better.

One further way in which I can tell that I might be getting better is that I have been feeling weepy. I think that this goes back to the time of school and Mrs Elliott when illness was a way of avoiding this teacher I did not get on with and returning to health was a mixed blessing because it meant having to return to school.

Letting go of Mrs Elliott has been part of an ongoing struggle for the past few years but, in the recent past, I have seen signs that all my hard work has been paying off. However, if sadness at the end of illness used to mean that I didn't want to go back to school, then it is a sure sign that I am not enjoying my work at present.

My Angel/Shadow cards for last week reflected this tendency.

Sooner or later I am going to summon up the strength to overcome my alienation at work and effect the transformation I desire. Simply procrastinating through illness is not a long-term option if I am to make things better.