I've been doing quite a bit of worrying recently - both the fretting sort and the sort that a dog does to a bone.
For example, I've come out in all sorts of itchy rashes. I'm splashing moisturiser all over me and using ointment and unguents. Ross suggests that I might be slightly de-hydrated and suggests that I drink more water. He tells me that I should drink 3 litres a day - Good Lord - that's over 6 pints. I'll piss myself to destruction with that sort of liquid intake on top of everything else that I drink.
I've also been mulling over some of my work patterns, particularly my hatred of writing reports. And it comes down to an ability to wing it and a love of the freedom of improvisation. I'm less happy with reporting. It's not that I mind being accountable and I don't mind explaining what I do though I find it difficult. I just hate recording what I do. I need to find some way of capturing my thoughts that still allows me the freedom to busk.
I've also had some break throughs with my lost year at school. When I was 6/7, I was promoted a year because I was smart and I've never been able to remember anything about the time at all. Well, I never knew the teacher's name until now - she was Mrs Elliott. She had short, very black hair. Was short and squat herself. Parents thought her a good teacher but were aware that none of the children liked her. I hated her. She probably didn't like me either.
I got out of the situation by getting sick. I had chickenpox, mumps and flu that year. Consequently, I got held back a year and ended up with my own year again and with a different teacher as Mrs Elliott left. I won. I ended up where I had always wanted to be - with my own friends. But the cost was to learn that, because I naturally overachieve, I have to spoil it to end up where I feel most comfortable. And that's not the most healthy of life strategies to follow.
I know that I told little of these difficulties to my parents. But they did tell me that, when I came home from school, my sister Linda, aged two, would run down the hall and hug her big David round the legs and that I would love her and care for her and nurture her. All the things that I have been trying to do in relationships ever since - find the little vulnerable person who will give me unconditional love and who I can parent in return rather than sorting out my own problems and giving myself all the care and attention that I so richly deserve and need.