This Wednesday, London basked in first warmth of spring. It was almost a perky nipple day with the students wearing their tee-shirts for the first time this year.
The weather is still funny. For example, the cherry blossom still about like a pink mist on the trees. Normally, you'd expect a good fortnight but it must be nearly a month now, which is wonderful, if odd.
Tuesday was a rally crappy day. Going back to work after Easter has not been fun. I feel assaulted by the journey to work and my chest is caving in from the pollution and the dust in the corridor at work created by the building work. Looking at my colleagues we are all depressed and in need of a lift somehow.
Me I got home and talked incessantly on the phone with Colin, Gill, mum and dad and Ross. It got rid of some of the bleeagh!! The phrase getting it off your chest does describe a physical reality.
Mind you, some thing must be changing within me. Recently, people have started asking me directions in the street once more. I'd not realised but this had stopped some time ago. I must be looking approachable again. And, in fact, this was one of the subjects of one of my very first EJ postings.
One of my things is being helpful and it is a good thing. On Wednesday lunchtime, I went to the Talking Bookshop for Gill to buy an recorded biography for her father, Bob's, birthday. Talking about it on the phone, I said to her that I was glad to be of service and she became uncertain about imposing on me. I reassured her that I was basically taking the mickey out of my capability to run round doing things for other people. Mind you, even though that is an issue I have been looking at, it shouldn't prevent me from doing a kindness to someone who I have cherished for nearly twenty years.
There was a big hug from Ross on the answer machine when I got home on Wednesday night.
I do need his support right
now. I feel like the pressure is building up inside me again. Anita spent most of the
massage session on Friday de-fizzing me - which was good and enabled me to have a
good night's sleep for a change - but I can already feel myself tensing up and filling
unresolved energies.
I've arranged for my next door neighbours to come round for a meal tonight both as a kindly, friendly thing, but also so that I don't have to spend the time on my own. I feel like I am screaming and running around like a headless chicken. I have been quietly asking for the strength and patience and guidance to do whatever it is I need to do to sort all of this out.