Onwards
Well, what a difference a few days can make. I'd hate you to think that I'm full of brio. I think that the general sense of lacking in lustre is with me for a while yet but, like I've been saying to a number of people, I don't think I have the energy to maintain a general level of despondency.
Being one of nature's pessimistic optimists, I am far more at home being a Jasagender rather than a Keinsagender. So, I bounce back and present myself in a far more buoyant manner despite the underlying sense of disassociation with everything around me.
So, what's been happening?
Well, Friday's meal in Oxford with James I was a great tonic. I went down on the Oxford Tube (there's a joke there but I can't be bothered to frame it) which, at 4 pounds day return, must be the best bargain available at present.
We ate out French (which feels like another joke that I should pass by) and, though the food was excellent, the company was better. What can I say? We're similarly unlike in many ways, there's enormous gulfs of age and experience but there's a kinship and a mutuality that I have with few other people and I trust him with parts of me that I wouldn't commit to this journal. By the time I got home by bus and last tube, it was heading towards 1.30am and I was exhausted.
Saturday and Sunday daytime was spent in rehearsals working out the dances for the Stone Court. Great fun but physically demanding. I got the re-writes for the opening section that Noel has written for me. Seeing me perform last Tuesday seems to have prompted some good material. All I need now is to learn the bloody stuff.
Saturday night was Tosca. I had a spare ticket and went with
Fred, with whom I'd lunched on Friday, which, as it turned out, was his
25th birthday, so he's a Taurean too. He'd never seen the opera before
so it was interesting to see something I've attended over a dozen times
before through new eyes. The more I hear José Cura, the Caravadossi, the
more I like him as a performer. It's a clear, ringing tenor voice which
I find quite thrilling at times.
Fred's in the middle of his Bar exams at present so he's somewhat on edge. He's only started the coming out process over the past six months and admits that it's all so very new and exciting for him. Not surprisingly at this stage, he's looking for information and reassurance but we talked about all sorts of other stuff too. He's delightful and charming company. When his life has settled down a bit, it would be nice to spend a little more time with him.
Phone calls came thick and fast on Sunday morning. Roland seems as happy as a skylark with his bloke, Colin. It must be nearly three months now. Then talk with my parents about dad's forthcoming hernia operation and possibilities of meeting up on Merseyside over the Bank Holiday weekend. Sister, Linda, is next. Re-cap Bank Holiday and talk about various birthdays. Colin calls and we chat about opera and things. He sounds tired but claims it is the lack of oxygen in South London.
Sunday, after rehearsal, I spent some time chatting with Gill. I briefly got to say Hello to Robert but he was esconced upstairs in his bedroom with his girlfriend, Gemma, and a friend, Luke. There seemed to be much laying down of music on Robert's DJing equipment.
Long phone call from James II when I got in. He, at least, seems a lot brighter than he has of late.
Work today passed very quickly with meetings and paperwork. I just need to knuckle down there and I should be able to clear a lot of crap off my desk which, I'm sure, will make me feel a whole heap better. There's also e-mail from Rod and Dale in Seattle, Peter in San Francisco and Chris who is still out in SF and who might provide a holiday base for the late summer.
So, here I am Monday evening, typing this up, dining off steak and boiled new potatoes with some mayonnaise, sipping a couple of glasses of a quite pleasant Fitou, listening to Tchaikovsky's Pathétique on the radio and feeling more at home with the world than I have for while.
Lowestoft Colin rang a little earlier and gently chided me for not getting in touch over the weekend. It's going to be good to see him next weekend.
I'm really very lucky to have so many good people around me.