Shedding the Jet-Lag
26 March
Monday, and with five jet-lagged hours of sleep behind me, I firstly sorted out my broken down car and then headed for work.
There it was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Firstly, I found out that one colleague's partner had been told that, after treatment, she no longer had cancer. Then I found out that another colleague's mother was seriously ill with a stroke.
I was reflecting on what Chris's had said about Americans and new and fast and found myself saying that, increasingly, I did not buy into the ethics of Information Technology. That puts me at odds with part of the industry in which I work and maybe accounts for some of the grief that I feel. I am not interested in the latest widgets but I am interested in how people can use the technology for long term gains in efficiency and productivity and creativity.
Yoga sorted me out and helped me sleep well to shed more jet-lag.
More conversations. On Tuesday, I'm talking with a colleague and I find myself acknowledging that I'm working in circumstances where I know that I cannot deliver my best. And that that grieves me. All that I can do is deliver the best I can in the circumstance. And maybe I need to recognise that that is all I have any right to expect of myself. Beyond that and I am into what everyone tells me - that I set myself very high standards.
I let go some of that in Healing. Firstly I had images of doing battle with dragons and it was fun with a wooden broadsword as I darted and cut and thrust and eventually defeated and deflated the pernicious worm which I cut into bloody chunks the size of pillows and tossed them energetically about to the four corners grinning.
Then from doing battle, dancing with furies, I came to the peace and calm of the Elysian Fields where the myths tell me I should be able to rest and I was shattered and voices from long ago informed me that "Of course, you're tired. Anyone, in your position, would be. Anyone, who has done as much as you have, would be. You're only human. You're not superhuman, you know." and I wept and let go.
More rollercoasting on Wednesday. My colleague's mother is out of immediate danger and I was able to reassure her that we have things covered at work so that just get on with the business of being with mom. Law Lords decide by 6-1 to send Pinochet down - except that they don't and it's still down to Jack Straw to bottle it. Bombs rain down on Serbia/Yugoslavia - some cruise missiles from a British nuclear sub called Splendid - well, no, it isn't.
Thursday, I'm no longer jet-lagged. Just tired and fed up of work. My car has a busted fuel pump which explains why it wouldn't go and why it wasn't just the battery so that using the jump leads was not a fix.
Friday. Weekend looking. I've got my car back and soon my Rossi will be here. I wonder
how we'll spend the evening? 