A Major Hiccough
There are a number of key phases that you go through in any relationship...
- There's the first sighting and, let's face it, those first few seconds are very important. You can know a lot about the future chemistry from that initial glance.
- Then there's the moment he opens his mouth. This can be a great disappointment. Hands up. How many times have you thought Phwar!! and then been totally turned off by that Daffy Duck voice.
- OK. So, you're through the first couple of hurdles. Then there's the second meeting or the morning after (depending on how well it went first time). In either case, what seemed like heaven first time round can seem extraordinarily ordinary on second viewing.
- That first week is magic. Savour it. There will never be a time like this again when it's all fresh and new and full of discovery and possibilities. But if there's not a strong foundation, two things will fail very quickly. Either the sex will go or the conversation will. They're both about communication. Still great sex with no talking can still be fun.
- By the time you get to three months, all the things you were attracted to in the first instance are still there but now you begin to discover all those habits and personality traits that you don't like about your beloved. If they're strong enough then it's curtains.
- After a year, you may have struggled with some of the petty irritations for just so long. Now's the time for those arguments about who does all the washing up and why does the toothpaste get squeezed from the middle of the tube.
- The next great watershed is the three year mark. There's something here that's to do with being too comfortable or too settled. Boredom. Where are we going? Why are we sticking together. What do we want out of this? Isn't there something more?
- Looming in the distance is the seven year itch. Apparently, after seven years every single cell in your body changes. The bone marrow cells are the last to change. They take seven years. So, after seven years, the person you met is quite literally not the person you are now with. What this feels like I don't know. I've never been in a relationship that long. Though I have got friends of longer standing.
Well, Ross and I have just hit the three month mark and a few things have come up. And, to be honest that has to be on both sides.
He probably thinks I'm overbearing, fussy, cantankerous, prickly. And he's right, of course. I have certain ways of doing things that I think are right and I want them done that way. I have certain standards around the house and I want them maintained. I know he's tired from doing the course and working at Prêt. I know he's got money worries. And on and on.
But, yes you were waiting for the but weren't you, the reason I think or know most of this is not because Ross has told me but because I've worked it out for myself. He just doesn't communicate. No, let's be fair. He doesn't communicate readily in words - which is why he sculpts. He has a preference for a tactile rather than an oral mode of discourse.
Which is all very well but (again that but) it feels like I gotten myself into another of those relationships where it's me making all of the running, it's me making all of the decisions, it's me doing the supporting, it's me being sensible. I want a little bit of reciprocity here.
Lowestoft Colin came to visit during all of this and, from all I could gather, had a reasonably pleasant time but, like two bookends either side of his visit, Ross and I had two major misunderstandings - one Saturday morning the other Sunday evening.
I got to the point that I had very little sleep on Sunday night. I just lay feeling isolated and desolate. I can remember that the last time that I felt anything quite so painful was during the time that I lived with Richard and I certainly don't want to go through anything like that again.
I'm sure it'll all resolve eventually into arguments about who does the washing up and the cleaning and keeps the house tidy and all because those are safer arguments to have but deep down it's actually about communication. For whatever reasons, we seem to have stopped communicating and that's really tearing me up.