Half Year Report
It's fairly terrifying to realise that it's been just over six months now since I started this on-going record. Sean told me the other day that he'd sat down and read everything in the WebLife and that it took him over four hours. God alone knows how many hours at the keyboard that represents.
How's this year going? Well, the battered and fragile creature that started off the process last September is in much better shape. When I look through the events of June alone, I could never have managed half of that even three or four months ago, so I must be doing something right. And on the whole, this journal feels like it's far more of a record of joys than of woes which is a great blessing.
For example, it feels like, after nearly three years in London now, that I'm beginning to develop a social life of my own at last. And it's nice to be a bit of a social butterfly after the constraints of the previous two years.
The holiday and the play have been enormously relaxing and rewarding. They've taxed me emotionally and physically but they're played a large part in re-charging my batteries.
There's not been too many artistic highs yet this year - well I suppose I've been too busy doing other things. However, I've just had one. The new Royal Opera production of Don Carlos is a stonker. My hands were sore with the applause by the time the houselights went up.
Haitink's reading of the score was sensational. Karita Mattila may not have the full vocal line for rôle of this weight but, in every other department, she shone. Julian Gavin was a replacement for Roberto Alagna. I'd never heard of him before but I think that we got the better deal. He was a real tenor rather than a pushed up lyric. Thomas Hampson was beautful of voice and unbelievably moving in his death scene. José Van Dam as Philip and Kurt Rydl as the Grand Inquisitor were absolutely committed in their great confrontation. I loved it.
People - the major part of this year has been people. Seeing Rod and Dale and Chris and Trevor again. Being with old friends like Colin and Keith and Roland and Gill. Making new friends like Lowestoft Colin and James II and now Sean. Bumping into Peter and Brownie.
And then there's been love. Bit of a false start with John at the beginning of the year but struck real paydirt with Fred when I was least expecting it.
Dear, darling Freddie. Actually, I was in a bit of a snit with him at the beginning of the week. We're at the stage when the things that don't mesh are becoming apparent. And the fact that I can say that points out one enormous difference between the two of us. I think Oh, it's that one again. He experiences it as new for the first time.
So, what's been going on. Well, it comes down to differing views on the difference between friends and lovers.
I've sort of griped at him about the fact that we don't really sleep together any more because intimacy is one of the ways in which I feel comfortable about showing my feelings though my flirting with him makes him feel both good and uneasy in equal measures. For him the sex thang is something that we would do more as lovers rather than friends. And, when I persist, I feel that I come over as some sort of sex monster who is only after his body, which in reality I'm not.
And he's griped at me about the fact that I don't give him presents any more because that is one of the ways in which he feels comfortable about demonstrating his feelings though his gifts to me make me feel both wonderful and uneasy in equal measures. For me, the buying presents thang is something that I would do more with a lover or someone I was courting rather than a friend. And, when he persists, I feel that he comes over as someone who is obsessed by material possessions, which in reality he isn't.
Nice grid lock there, don't you think?
And I'm supposed not to be very spontaneous. Well, true, I do like to try and map things out in advance. But then, when I think of the number of risks I've taken over the past few weeks by taking time out during the working day, I've hardly been a model of equilibrium.
And, actually, if being spontaneous means issuing an invitation to a dinner party one day and then saying it wouldn't be convenient the next, if it means suggesting going out clubbing one day and then deciding it's not a good idea the next, if it means offering some hospitality at a pre-Pride gathering one day and then retracting the offer the next, then I'm not sure I want to be spontaneous in that way.
I did say I'd been in a snit, didn't I?