Why Am I Writing All This?
A couple of things have happened recently to make me think about what I'm doing with this Electronic Journal.
I recognise that I'm publishing a series of texts to a potential readership of over 18 million people. That's the nature of the World-Wide Web and it's one of things that I find most exciting and seductive about it. It is the ultimate in vanity publishing. I can write about what I want; I can have a certain control over its presentation; and I can send it out into the world to be read by others.
Back in my student days, Denise always claimed that, when I wrote letters to her, they always read as though they were intended for publication. And I have to confess (and maybe this is a result of my adolescent theatrical leanings) that I am usually aware of an audience when I am writing. Most of my writing does have an arch and knowing quality about it.
Keith, when he first read parts of this Electronic Journal, likened it to one of the living diaries in the Saturday supplement to The Guardian - which rather flattered me since I've always liked Jon Ronson's writings, for example.
When I asked him if it made any difference that he was one of the characters in these publications, he admitted that it felt a little strange to see himself mentioned and to read about things he'd done and said told as part of someone else's tale. I think the same applies to James II who gets a very definite thrill from seeing his name in print. It's almost like seeing himself mentioned in a separate and distinct medium seems to validate and confirm something about himself to himself.
On Monday, I received the most wonderful e-mail from Rachel which I just have to quote as I'm thrilled by it even if it embarrasses me somewhat.
As another Armistead Maupin fan I can see a lot of his style in your work - in fact I enjoy reading your journal for the same reasons I enjoy reading Maupin - there is a wonderful mixture of truth and honesty mixed with real humour and real emotions. I hope you don't mind me saying these things, I just thought I should let you know how one person at least feels about your work.
I don't think that I could ask for a more generous appreciation. But she's right that these writings are more than simply a private journal. They form a living tale woven around events in my life as they happen and they are intended to make people laugh, stimulate interest and arouse emotion. And it must also be mentioned that they are a part of a greater entity, the WebLife project, which has its own manifesto.
The point where the public nature of these writings becomes most apparent to me is what I decide to leave out. Justin Clouse, who publishes his own very different virtual diary in Chicago, wrote about similar difficulties a few weeks ago on February 13. There are things that you just choose to leave out because they are too personal.
For example, one of the most difficult parts of February involved my relationship with my son, Robert. It's a whole mess of things that will probably run and run for months and years. And because I don't have a particularly good handle on it all, I'm steering well clear of writing about it.
The public aspect is also why I suddenly got very tongue-tied about writing about Colin in the last piece I wrote. I started to wonder about how he would feel about reading about himself and how he would feel about others reading about my thoughts about him. And I thought he might find it terribly off-putting. So, I've clammed up. But, if you can read between the lines, Colin, I think you're rather nice.
The following morning at work...
It seems like I needn't have been quite so concerned about Colin's reaction. I've just had this e-mail from him.
You are not deluding yourself, I thought the chat went well, and I am now looking forward to our meeting, to an extent that wouldn't be proper to mention. Put it this way, I have picked up the application form for IKEA ;-o
As, they say, "Oooohhh, er, missus."