Well, a balloon of sorts went up on Monday. Ross's grandad had taken a decided turn for the worse over the weekend.
Ross was understandably upset. Home care has been upped a stage. Ross's grandad is now on a morphine pump the way that David and my Aunt Ellen were in the latter stages of their lives. What my (limited) experience tells me is that he's got about a fortnight, ten days left in him and that he will drift in and out of consciousness gradually loosing his hold on life and experiencing fewer and fewer periods of direct lucidity.
Oh, my. It feels strange to be involved in the preemptive grief of others. We travelled over yesterday and went straight to Ross's grandad's house. Sam, Ross's brother, was already there. It very soon became apparent that members of the extended family were going to be dropping in on a rota basis over the next few days to say farewell. The whole atmosphere was, and continues to be, that of sad celebration and respectful quiet.
I've been trying to explain to Ross and his family just how lucky they are to have their grandad present until the very end. When he is present, he is truly present and recognises people without prompting. He converses, he takes information in and responds. All of this reminds me just how much of a burden the last year has been with my dad. It makes more palpable to me the fact that we lost him over a year ago. The personality of Albert, which I'd engaged with for almost sixty years, departed and left the husk of my father behind.
Luckily, I have the perfect reason for not staying for too long. Thursday morning is my signing on day. Despite having a job to go to in September, I still have to go through the motions of being available for work in order to justify my claim for Jobseekers Allowance. Using the Universal Jobsearch microsite on the directgov website, I spent part of this morning looking at the supposed available jobs (they're all agency based) and then giving reasons why they were not suitable as well as adding comments about ringing agencies and giving their reactions to the news that I already have a job to go to.
It really is a game sometimes.
I woke up this morning (a Wednesday) in a strange bed feeling really disorientated. It felt like a weekend but the Radio 4 news told me different. I couldn't fathom if I was in work or not. School life seems a long, long way away. Home feels disrupted. I feel disquieted. Any semblance of routine is shredded. Whether or not I can get my mojo back for September really worries me.
Which prompts me to mention that I am confused about the current high moral stance being taken over zero hour contracts. It seems to me that Supply Teachers and Bank Nurses have been in this situation for many years. So why is it an issue now? Are we saying that it's OK for the public sector but not the private sector?