After Ross's birthday celebrations, we were both a little tired - he with his cold and me with the late night.
Consequently, neither Ross nor I felt much like entertaining Ross's brother, Sam, for a meal on the Sunday. It was Ok but I'm not sure that either of us made a god job of being a host.
We gave ourselves Monday as a quiet day and I took full advantage of a yoga session on Tuesday and an evening reiki session on Thursday - the first of the autumn. At work, I gave a two day Project course to three souls who seemed to enjoy the experience. And then I received an email out of the blue about the courses I give for University staff.
I could hardly believe what I was reading. Hidden behind the rhetoric of central standards of branding was a set of instructions which read like a series of admonitions about the way that I have conducted a successful course for nearly a decade. My first reaction was one of hurt. I typed up a strong email response and saved it as a draft.
The following morning I did not send the email. This took an effort because I had been asked to respond immediately and, generally speaking, I am a good little boy who does as he is told.
I'm glad I waited. I'd had a very artless night. I confessed all this to colleagues and they were very solicitous without knowing the full details. I emailed Ross to tell him how I was feeling. I got the most amazing email in return. Basically, he said that I should remember that the real intention of the email was to take power away from me and not to question the quality or integrity of my work.
That was a turning point because, as soon as I reminded myself that the real quality and therefore power of what I do lies in the training room, I found myself released to respond on a more adult level. In fact, I also recognised that my third chakra, the solar plexus chakra, was playing up. It governs the stomach and the digestive tract, if you catch my drift. I did some research in my Chakra Handbook and this is what it said.
Inadequate functioning of the third chakra often makes you feel dejected and discouraged. You see obstacles everywhere, obstacles that prevent the fulfilment of your desires.
The free unfolding of your personality was probably strongly curtailed when you were a child. Since you were afraid to lose the approval of your parents and teachers, you held back the expression of your emotions almost entirely and suppressed much more than you were able to digest.
Even today, you are trying to win acceptance and approval by conforming but all you achieve is rejection and insufficient integration of your own vital desires and emotions. when faced with a difficult situation, you feel queezy and uncertain or you get so nervous that your action become haphazard and disorganised.
If possible, you would prefer to shut yourself off from all new challenges in life. Unusual experiences scare you and you really do not feel capable of coping with the so-called struggle for survival.
Well, all that felt pretty pertinent. I read further and discovered various colours, sounds and chants that help to stimulate the third chakra. I know also that there are a number of yoga poses that work on those systems. I tried a blend of them all and, by and by, I had a much better perspective on things.
So, I wrote and sent a new and different email. In comparison, the first was a great whinge and I'm so glad that I refrained from sending it off. The one I sent struck chords with other people. I found out that I was not alone in my surprise and distress. But we sort of agreed that we just get on with things and do enough to keep the central administration happy.
I've found even writing this down now has made me churn somewhat but my emotional upset is nothing to what it might have been some time ago when I experienced these types of perceived assault on my integrity. Gradually, I am learning and processing through this old stuff.
With all that behind me on Friday morning I set off to Liverpool John Lennon airport to collect two Friends who were flying in from Riga to join my Monthly Meeting for its annual weekend away. We were taking up residence at Noddfa once more and so I was quite at home getting there.
What a change a year brings. When I was there last I was smoking, I was not a convinced member of the Christian Society of Friends and I was quite settled in my job at Connect - I'm still keeping an eye out for alternatives by the way.
The two days went well. Come the Saturday afternoon, I joined a group who walked up one of the hills at the back of Penmaenmawr. Up on the tops, we followed the trail to find a stone circle. Our Rigan Friends joined us and for them it was a great treat. One of the things that I remember about Latvia is that it doesn't own any mountains so North Wales really was a new landsacpe for them.
Saturday evening brought group games. I was asked to join a panle to attempt to play a version Just a Minute. Anyhow, I really got into it and, in retrospect, my seven year old came out to play and it was great. I really bonded with two of the younger women who were also playing and we had a fine old time of it.
Come the end, Jo (who is an odd fish and whom I simply do not trust on any emotional level whatsoever) said to me that she didn't realise that I was so competitive. I was completely taken aback as I really don't consider myself to be competitive at all. And when I said that I didn't think I was, she became quite gleeful in her judgement of me. I could feel the hooks going in.
For a while, I was really dampened in spirit. Again, it was one of those third chakra things. My sense of identity, play was being curtailed; my enthusiasms squashed. It was actually quite unpleasant since I really wasn't doing anyone any harm. As I discussed with Lois the following morning (Lois is a weighty Freiend from Liverpool meeting), I was over-tired and showing off - just like a seven year old. But who really cared. It was great entertainment. I suspect jo was just too envious that I was having fun and making firends which is just sad really.
Anyhow, the retreat finished and I came home to a hot meal and bed with my Rossi.