Thinking Back
31 December

Looking back over this year to create my annual awards has given me much pleasure.

This is in great contrast to the end of 2003 when I was at a decidedly low ebb. As I said in that Journal entry, mostly in my life, when I've had to put things back together again, I've done it in a house on my own. I acknowledged that the big difference for me this time was that I have Ross and that learning how to recuperate whilst sharing the experience was going to be a growth opportunity for me.

Well, I think that I have achieved all of that and more for the two of us and, as the review charts, we've had a good time following it all through. There's an enormous contrast between all of that and my review for the previous year. There, I was commenting that I'd seen lots of events but many had been instantly forgettable, that social events had been few on the ground and that the year had been disrupted by events at work.

This year I am pleased to say that it has been a much more social year with plenty of shared peak experiences, many tasks accomplished around the house and a fair few memorable meals spent with family, friends and, of course, Ross.

We even managed to finish the year with a palpable success on the arts front by watching The Motorcycle Diaries on DVD starring the very beautiful Gael García Bernal as Che Guevara. It was a memorable journey of gentle politicisation and growing radical awareness. Quietly thought provoking.

This preceded an early night in bed which was only slightly disturbed by the midnight revelries. But it was a peaceful way of letting go of the old and letting in the new.

I've also managed things much better at work. I even stepped up and took managerial responsibility when the chips were down in August and Ambition:IT was threatened by the departure of our partner organisation, Mercia.

I take great pride in the fact that I held the technical training programme together and have built a useful team that is performing well overall and binding into a coherent unit. I am extremely proud that I achieved the desired result despite the fact that I was being pressured to take on someone I did not want. In the event, I was proven right.

So, from an unpromising start, I feel that I have come up trumps. I made no New Year's resolutions for the year but I did set myself some priorities. I wanted to change jobs and, although I am still working for the same firm, my changed circumstances and four day week make it a very different working environment. I wanted to find a spiritual home and I have achieved that with Southport Quaker meeting, Reiki with Janet and yoga classes with Barbara. I wanted to feel more involved in the local community and, although I am not involved in any local projects, Ross and I are now recognised locally and are greeted in many of the shops we patronise. I wanted to regain more intimacy with Ross and, though it's slow coming, many aspects of that special feeling are in place.

There are a number of continuing challenges for next year and the years to come. I think that the biggest is to avoid the troughs and yet still experience the peaks.

We'll have to see what happens in 2005.