I got Ross over to his parents on Sunday.
Monday was a day alone, pressing on, getting things done, visiting Colin.
Tuesday afternoon I had some healing from Janet. Halfway through the session, she stopped. "David, you are exhausted," she told me. "You are so tired that your body is vibrating. You need help." And firmly, but politely, she suggested that I should go to the doctor's. Not after the holidays. But immediately. And just say how I feel.
Which I did.
And the doctor listened and asked questions and then told me that I have a seratonin imbalance, that this happens for some people, that there's no known reason why it happens though stress and time of year play their part and that there was help available.
So, I'm on tablets that will, initially, provide me with seratonin and will, eventually, kick start my body into producing its own again. It won't make me an addict and it won't make me a zombie.
The downside is that it will be a fortnight before I begin to feel the benefit and for the first five days I will feel absolutely crap as my body adjusts to the new chemical input.
So, I've personally cancelled Christmas. My parents are already down at my sister's which means that they will have a good time even though they face a difficult return journey by train. Sue has been good enough to invite me for Christmas dinner with her family. Otherwise, I shall be alone.
And funnily enough, that feels exactly right.
All through the Advent season, I've felt very detached from the whole Christmas thang. I never really believed that I was going to be a part of it this year. I can't explain it. I always knew that I was going to be somewhere else. That somewhere is going to be asleep, healing myself.